Why Mums With Multiple Small Children Hate Self Serve Checkouts

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When I first saw the Self Serve checkouts arrive I was a little bit excited. Finally an answer to my checkout woes. Checkouts irritate me.

Swarms of customers always greatly outnumber the service provided. Frazzled shoppers roll their eyes. 10 customers. One checkout. I cannot count the number of times I've needed a few things, seen the queue at the checkout and done the Dump and Run.

Trying to pick the best checkout never works. I choose the line I think is moving the fastest, only to realise moments later that I have of course, chosen the worst one. Then I get pissed off with myself and by that time, one or all of the children has declared they are hungry and/ or has an itchy bum.

I went to the shops yesterday. There was one Human checkout and 6 Self Serve or Robot Checkouts (as I like to call them).

The Human Checkout had 10 customers lined up. All pensioners. All too scared to use the Robot checkouts. So. I am a logical person and hate to wait. I use the Robot Checkout. Because it's faster. Or is it?

I have one MEGA pack of baby wipes. 23 identical toys. One DVD and some bubble mixture.. as you do. I put all my stuff on the bench. Proceed to scan. The mega pack of baby wipes is actually bigger than the weigh bench on the other side. So I put it in the pram. The robot BEEPS, meaning "You've stolen it haven't you? THIEF!!". The staff member comes over and puts a key in the Robot. This is Human to Robot speak for "She hasn't stolen anything". She tells me I've done it wrong. Do it THIS way.

HANG ON. WAIT. SORRY. WHAT!?

I go to scan my identical toys. I cannot select that I have 23 and scan one. I have to scan them INDIVIDUALLY. I'm feeling a little stabby. After scanning each and every item I'm ready to scan the DVD. The boy wants to hold it. I give it to him. BEEP! Oops you've stolen something again and the lady comes back to unlock the Robot. By the time I get to the bubble mixture I've wised up and do things the way the Robot wants me to do it. By such time my son is rolling on the floor screaming to hold his bubble mixture and my baby is in a fit because she likes the pram to be moving and we've been stuck at the Robot for what feels like eternity.

So there are kids and bags and crap everywhere. A Robot that keeps beeping at me and a staff member that's losing her shit. So much to account for. I can't manage the kids and do this at the same time. I start to shake.

We leave the store. The Human Checkout served all it's human customers. It would have been just as fast. Typical.

And whats worse, in the mayhem I think I overcharged myself and scanned more than I actually have. But wait. Is that my fault? I guess so. Who shall I complain to? Myself?

And Australian retailers wonder why we shop online. Stop whinging about that and give us some real service. It's all we've wanted all these years. You never listened. So now we'll buy what we want how we like.

OK?