Easter in this house sucks the Easter Bunny's gout infested right foot.
It sucks due to the following equation:
Chocolate + Small Children = Extreme Feralness
I see you nod your head in agreeance. No?
Now. Easter f*ck-up-ed-ness continues with the following equation:
Aussie Easter + Orthodox Easter = Shitload of chocolate = Me, wondering what the hell I am going to do with it all.
Ok so technically that wasn't an equation. From my limited knowledge of mathematics, you cannot have two equal signs in an equation. Apparently.
Most years we partake in TWO EASTERS. Yes, we have not one. But Two. Easters. Normal Easter like you guys and then because my family is Greek, we celebrate Orthodox Easter which mostly falls on a different day. Lets call it the Festival of Easter. It's exhausting. Because we are presented twice in one year with the presence of feral children, an abundance of chocolate and Craptastic Chocolate. What is Craptastic chocolate I hear you say? Glad you asked. Let me clarify.
Craptastic Chocolate (or CC as it is affectionately called in our household) can be defined as edible confectionary that looks like chocolate, but when you eat it, tastes like sh*t. Traditionally, Craptastic Chocolate is a brand of chocolate which is NOT Cadbury, Red Tulip, Nestle or Lindt. It's THOSE other brands that have been sneaked onto the shelves.
This shiz is nasty.
I was at Woolies yesterday and the lady in front of me appears to have done her entire Easter Shop in one go. And good on you for being all organised and stuff. It was all Craptastic Chocolate. Down to the last itty bitty small Easter Eggie. All crap.
So it got me wondering as it does, my brain is a small place but when it gets its rant on, there's just is no stopping it.
Does she like Craptastic chocolate? Can she not tell the difference? Does she buy it because it is cheap? Has she not realised the error? Was she wooed by the elaborate packaging of Craptastic Chocolate to distract from its disgusting-ness? I just cannot understand why anyone would buy it, when it tastes bloody horrible. Life is too short people to be eating chocolate that lingers in your mouth 5 days after the initial consumption.
Now while I have my ranty pants on I would like to state the following.
Why does Easter Chocolate (not just Craptastic Chocolate) have such a limited expiry on it. The stuff only lasts until June. If you're lucky. That is f*cked up right there. When do they make this shit? Easter last year? WTF. The stuff doesn't last. If it did you would have the entire years worth of chocolate consumption covered by Easter. Chocolate companies know this and that is why they only last a few months. They want you to throw it out or stuff it down your gob as quick as you can, so you can go get some fresh stuff. A*seholes.
Am I missing anything? What do you hate about Easter? Because there is nothing to love. Surely?