HELP! My Husband has Male Selective Blindness (MSB)

My husband's ability to locate things has come to my attention. I am aware that this could quite possibly be a male issue rather than a Taryn Husband issue. So to speak.

Let me illustrate. Husband wants to make cup of tea. He is aggitated. He cannot find the sugar. Don't we have any sugar left? He says. Of course we have sugar. Am I not the gluten free baking queen? I need sugar to live. To give energy. To give me my sugar high. No sugar? No way. Not my house. Of course we have bloody sugar.

"It's in the pantry" I say

"I can't find it" he says

I come to assist in locating the stray sugar. He is just standing in front of the pantry skimming the items that are facing him. Does he look on each shelf, moving and looking as he sorts through various foodstuffs and endless tins of Nesquik?

NO. HE JUST STANDS THERE.

Now I am not aware that sugar has any super powers. I am pretty sure it doesn't have the ability to leap out and shout out to the insuperior male species looking for it to say "I'M HERE". So until that happens, just standing there and looking blindly at the pantry isn't going to help you locate the sugar.

You need to get in there. Damnit. The pantry is a complex storage space that houses a lot of food. Odds on there is a good chance that what you are after is going to be under or behind something else. So you have to FIND IT.

The other day he says "Where is the Panadol?".

"It's in the bathroom cupboard" I retort.

"Which bathroom". Ok. Good question. We have three.

"The Ensuite" I say.

"Can't find it".

Now, there is a good reason why he cannot find the Panadol. He has opened every DRAWER except the CUPBOARD I said it was located in. I can hear the drawers slamming shut and I can hear that he hasn't opened the cupboard on the vanity yet.

"ITS IN THE CUPBOARD!!!!" I yell

"It's not here".

So I leave what I was doing. No doubt that it was something very important. I can't quite recall what it was at this point. So I run over to him. Anticipating that I will see my husband, standing, looking at the cupboard, scratching his head, looking at everything facing him. Oh look. Right on Taryn. What a surprise. He is exactly as you thought. He hasn't tried to move a thing to try and find the Panadol. Once again, if it doesn't stare him in the face and start glowing with neon intensity the minute he opens the cupboard, it isn't in there. It takes me 5 seconds of moving some shampoo out the way and

TA DA. Panadol located. Crises averted.

I call it MSL (Male Selective Blindness) because he has no problems locating his protein powder or all the vitamins he needs to continue to assist in lifting heavy things with ease.

Now look. My husband is a VSM (Very Smart Man). So why does his brain take a holiday when he decides to look for certain things?

When you figure it out, let me know.

Dear Other Road Users

Dear Other Road Users,


I try to be a courteous, calm driver. I try to extend the fabulousness that is me onto the road.

BUT...

If you are TURNING RIGHT AT A STOP SIGN. For GODS SAKE. Veer into the right. So that when I come along and want to turn LEFT at the said intersection, I will be able to move up against you and pull into the traffic while you sit and wait to navigate your way through more traffic than I.

If you hog the road so I cannot vear left around you. I will be pissed. I will swear that you are a selfish road hogging animal.

That is all.

Regards. Taryn xx

An Extraordinary Day. A Day off.

A week ago today something fabulous happened.

I got the day off.

It was quite surprising. It happened all very quickly. It wasn't planned.

I asked my Mother In Law to watch the kids for an hour while I had my eyes tested at the Optometrist. It's not really an appointment that you can take kids to when you have to sit in a room 1 metre x 1.5 metres. With two people already in there, things are already a little cramped. Having 2 little people with ants in their pants (so to speak) in there too is just too much to bare.

So we arrive at her place and MIL says something truly fabulous.

"Just leave them here for the day"

JUST LEAVE THEM HERE FOR THE DAY

Yes. 7 fabulous words. When put together makes a pregnant, worn out MUM and VERY HAPPY MUM INDEED.

"Are you sure. I don't know Harry needs a sleep blah blah.....".

"That's ok, we'll manage. Please?" She says. Bless her.

OK!! Well no problems, the ratbags are all yours. And with that I picked up my bag and was out the door quicker than you could say "Get the bugger outa here".

I had my eyes tested. I picked some new glasses. Apart from the fact that I am a few years away from being declared LEGALLY BLIND all was going well. (No I am not joking about that bit). After paying close to $6983 for having the lense thickness reduced to a somewhat more socially acceptable size and keeping them thinner than SAFETY GLASS, what was I going to do now. It's 11.30am?

So I went to the fruit shop and bought fruit without Mr 2 sampling every fruit and vegetable in the shop. Without him throwing each and every single item on the floor when it doesn't meet with his expectations.

Then I went to Coles. I had a normal trolley. Not one of those Trolley-Come-People Movers which are the length of the entire Lolly Section. I didn't groan with agony as I moved trolley around. Those buggers are hard to move. I read labels. I Ummed and Arrrred about which brand to buy. This was a welcome change to just throwing everything in the trolley without a second glance.

I came home. Put it all away. Easily. Relaxed. In a clear and logical organised way.

I watched DR PHIL. Yes DR PHIL and indulged in Other People's Problems. Aren't Mum's meant to watch this shit? I never have time to.

I made some soup for lunch. Sat down and ATE IT. Not rushed. Without small people wanting some. Without just giving it all to them. I ate it all myself.

And then I got that funny feeling. Bored? No, it's That-Guilty-Feeling. Why do Mum's always feel guilty. There is nothing here to feel guilty about. NO I AM NOT GOING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THEM SPENDING TIME AT THEIR NONNA'S HOUSE. So nerr. Walk off that short plank GUILT I am not dealing with you today.

I ring MIL. They are both fine. No worries. See you tonight for dinner tonight she says. Oh lordy. It's a long time until dinner. What am I going to do until then?

So I went to the shops, did some milling around. Did some housework and then it was time for dinner.

It was fabulous. Gotta love the MIL..THANKYOU. And I did it with ZERO guilt. That is all.

** I would also like to use this post to thank MY MUM who also watches the kids for me also on too many occasions (possibly more than I would like to admit). *Ahem*. I am VERY LUCKY to be spoilt with a choice of babysitters. Thanks Mum xx

Some Funny Shit. Thanks Mr Google.

My blog gives me good giggle. Let me explain. There is this fandangle thing called Statcounter (and there are lots of other versions like it out there). It gives you lots of stats about your website. Actually it is not really "fandangle" so to speak, but possibly more "lame" for some of you more knowledgeable computer peoples out there. Anyways. Getting off topic. So this Statcounter thing can show me what things people have typed into Mr Google to get to my site.

You should see what people search for on Google. Because it's funny. Let's have a look at some recent enquiries shall we?

The number represents the number of times it was keyed into Google.
The words next to it represents the actual search term people have keyed in.

6 x taryn rucci. This was undoubtedly 6 of my friends who can't remember my blog's URL but can remember my name.

4 x carman's muesli. Why would you google a breakfast cereal. I mean. Come on. It's bad enough that I blogged about it but to ACTIVELY SEARCH FOR INFORMATION ABOUT A MUESLI IS JUST BLOODY TRAGIC.
2 x swim lessons. Yes my daughter doesn't like swimming lessons. Sucks to be me.

2 x daughter doesn't like swim lessons blog. Oh good. You can relate to my situation. Good luck.

1 x cursed hot water bottle. Yes my hot water bottle was cursed until I threw it in the bin and got myself a new one. Perhaps you should try it too.

1 x my daughter wont swim or go under water. Yes you poor bugger. Mine too.

2 x 20 weeks pregnant blog spot. Some poor ladies looking to empathise with someone no doubt. Don't worry only another 20 weeks to go.

1 x 20 WEEK OF PREGNANCY + WORKIG 8 HOURS A DAY. Oh yes love. That's tough. Try working 24 goddamn hours a day 7 days a week and being pregnant. Oh the joys.

1 x 4 year old doesn't want to go back to swim lessons. Well my daughter isn't 4 yet but I bloody hope she is over her aversion to swimming lessons by the time she gets there

1 x 5 weeks pregnant nesquik in milk . Your Nesquik is 5 weeks pregnant? You need help!

1 x chocolate nesquick good during pregnancy. Damn straight. THE BEST.

1 x taryn protein muffins. Maybe so but if they are not gluten free I won't be baking them.

1 x father serafim said that women should not wear pants is this true. I don't know what the bloody hell you are on about but you won't find anything on this site about that.

1 x gluten free zucchini muffins. Yes delicious. Enjoy.

1 x what does taryn want to eat. Taryn wants to eat everything.

1 x sick of lycra. Damn straight. Especially in the Jeggings variety.

Told you it was funny. bahahahaha xx

Just Another Night at The Office

Last night was interesting. I want to put this down on paper (so to speak) so that when my children are adults and have their own kids, I will be able to sympathise with them. Because one of the joys of my brain is that I forget a lot of stuff and all the wake ups during the night that arise because of two small children and a pregnancy will be forgotten.

Here is how last night went.

7pm Kids in Bed

8.30pm Masterchef has finished. Taryn in bed

10.30pm I wake. I need to wee.

11.30pm. I wake up to Mr 2 screaming. "I WANT MY BLANKET .... ON!!! MUUUUM" I jolt out of bed and do as requested.

2am. I wake. I need to wee. Again

3am. I have the sudden urge to drink large quantities of apple and blackcurrent juice. I run to fridge and scull lovingly.

3.30am. Miss 3 wakes. She needs to do a wee.

3.30 - 4am - Miss 3 very snuffly. Wakes me again. "Mum I have BOOGERS!!!". I wipe her nose. As you do.

4.30am. She is still awake I can hear her on the monitor snuffling. I get her and bring her into our bed. She sneezes about 145 times. This requires the same approximate number of nose wipes with an old flannelette nappy. I am trying to be environmentally sound. Ok?

4.30 - 5am. She proceeds to kick her legs and fidget in our bed. She is driving me crazy. Watch out. The Mummy bomb is coming. "STOP FIDGETING OR YOU WILL GO BACK IN YOUR OWN BED!" I yell. Success. She sleeps like a 400 kilo man..... snoring her little head off. No that is not a locomotive. That is my daughter.

6am. Alarm goes off. Husband off to gym. I awake because I just do.

7.11am. Mr 2 wakes. Yelling "MUUUUUM! I want my WEETBIX". But the funny thing is he doesn't like Weetbix. He means Nutrigrain. A half full bowl. With a half a cup of milk. In a porcelain bowl. With a spoon. Stuff any of those things up and you have a tantrum about to erupt.

It's no wonder my morning coffee is so enjoyable.

The funny thing is that after 4 years of small kids and pregnancies requiring numerous wake ups, I don't even feel tired. I'm fine. I wonder what a long stretch of time with no wake ups will feel like? Sadly it is going to be a long time before I find out.

What's in a name?

I haven't blogged much lately. That's because my brain has been full of thoughts of drinking indecent quantities of Nesquik and not much else.

I have been also quite perplexed over our lack of names to call this baby. We really only had 2 baby names. Which we used. Now with a third baby, we find ourselves with nothing. But it's great that we have the kids to help out with this. Here are the kids suggestions.

Harry. Aged 2
Bob (the builder)
Thomas (the tank engine)
Roar (like a lion. The front runner)
Bert and Ernie

Poppy Aged 3
Tinkerbell (you know like. The fairy)
Angelina Ballerina
Abby Cadaby (like in Sesame street)

Their suggestions tell me one thing. They watch too much television, but they have provided some valuable input which we will largely ignore.

Choosing a name is such a difficult task. It's so central to who a person is. Their name is special and it has to be right. I don't want it to be too popular and I don't want it to be so weird that no one can ever remember their name. It also needs to match my other kids names.

That is why I have always liked my name. It's not a very popular one but not completely unheard of. I have known a few Taryn's in my life.

I was named after a CELEBRITY BABY. Can you believe that? I guess it is because Mum read the name and really liked it. Once upon a time in the 50's, a Hollywood actor Tyrone Powers had a daughter and called her Taryn. The name was basically a female version of his name to honor her father but obviously much prettier.

The only problem with the name Taryn is the fact that it gets confused with Karen and most of my life I have gone by two names. Karen and Taryn.

Growing up I was always the short arse with the long surname:

PAPANASTASIOU
Pronounced Papa - nasta - see - you

Yes it has just as many letters as the alphabet. In the days when you used to have to SIGN your name in order to make a credit card transaction, the shop assistant usually had time to poor herself a cuppa and be back at the register in time to receive the newly scrawled piece of paper.

Of course with such a big woggy Greek surname I copped it in the name calling stakes

Taryn Papa - Nice - To - See - You
Papa Smurf
Taryn Alphabet
Pappa
and the list goes ON AND ON AND ON

So it is no wonder when my husband popped the question I was giddy with excitement. I would be losing my last name and

DEFINITELY TAKING HIS NICE SHORT ONE WHICH RHYMED WITH GUCCI AND A THIRD OF THE SIZE OF MY PREVIOUS SURNAME

Oh and I was also happy to be starting our life together as a married couple of course. *Ahem*.

How do you feel about your name and any previous maiden names?

Gluten Free Zucchini Muffins

I never know how to spell Zucchini. Or Zuchini. Or Zuchinni. Bloody hell. It's just one of THOSE words for me that I struggle with. Actually I struggle with the English language most of the time and that word is just a royal pain in the arse.

Anyway I cooked a batch of these gluten free goodies and it didn't have me swearing about the ineffectiveness of gluten free flour (which is what normally happens when I bake) so I thought it best to share these.

They had a great texture and could be eaten the next day. (Which is a rarity)

Also it uses OIL as opposed to butter which I prefer.

Ingredients for muffins
150 g gluten free ham
1 small onion grated
1 cup of gluten free self-raising flour
1/2 cup cold pressed olive oil
4 eggs
2 cups grated zucchini
1 cup grated tasty cheese

Pre-heat a hot oven to 200C
Place flour, oil, eggs in bowl and mix.
Add grated cheese, ham, onion and zucchini to flour/oil mix and stir well.
Spoon into non-stick muffin pans (of any size) but do not over-fill muffin pans.
Place in oven for 15 minutes (mini muffins), 20 minutes (cup-cake size muffins) or 25 minutes (large muffins).

Its a great way to hide a green vegetable for small people!